Warning: Not for children. Not for most adults. Not for travel bloggers or anyone looking for something classy and refined. But if you're a party animal with an open mind and a trip to AZ coming up, then this is your little corner of the internet my friend.
My amazing friend Larissa is larger than life - and I'm not just talking about her chest. She is the oldest child, a caregiver, a medicine woman, a boisterous blonde with concern over everyone's well being. And she is getting married next month to one of my best friends from college. She tamed the man whore that was Devin, and he is now in love, happy, and engaged - all of which I really never thought would happen. It took a special one, but Larissa is it.
Now enough with the wedding talk - let's take a look at the Bachelorette - nay, the bachelorette party.
First let's address the elephant in the room - my friends are gorgeous.
Now that that's out of the way, let's move onto the itinerary and recap.
Our friend Ashley did the planning, and I swear to you, she should be a professional party planner. She has the process down. We had a VRBO in Scottsdale with plenty of bedrooms and a pool in the back yard. What more could we need? Oh! back track. Shout out to Spirit Airlines for CANCELLING OUR FLIGHT the day before we were supposed to leave. After an extremely tiring group text, we all gathered ourselves and found alternative flights to and from Scottsdale. It was not easy, but it was done. Thanks in large part to the proactive nature of Nicole and her organizational skills, we all made it there together, and on time.
Anywhoooo, we got a bus that took us to the preparatory spots on the way to the house: i.e. grocery stores and liquor stores (once again, thanks to Nicole) and then flooded the house with bottles of vodka, frozen pizzas, Smart Popcorn, and popsicles for dinner in hand.
We surprised Larissa with all the pool floaties her heart could desire, and then hung out by the pool and "pregamed." (Remember pregaming people?) Shout out to Boots and Mandi for bringing the floaties!
Then we tried to wrangle everyone up to get ready and hit the town. Larissa had quite the list for a scavenger hunt - and thank god it was lengthy because once she had checked everything off the list and her attention was no longer consumed with mens underwear and where to get a lap dance, she proceeded to throw ice at her friends to keep herself entertained.
We began when the sun was still up at Kelly's at Southbridge and then hit up a bar I do not remember the name of (see where my night is going already?) and then got bottle service at Whiskey Row (thank you Rachael!)
We truly behaved ourselves. No one danced on the table. No one danced on the benches. No one did headstands in their shorts on top of the tables. No one took the bottle service ice bucket and ice bucket challenged themselves in the booth. No one got a citation. No one went home early because they went too hard too soon (guilty).
As for myself, I woke up on the couch unsure of what happened. The pictures I was shown to fill me in will NOT be posted here. All I will say is yoga, pickle juice, and pasties. You can fill in the blanks.
Emily and I did a little pool yoga, drank some Jameson, and then we floated a little longer before our breakfast from Buzzberry arrived. Might I add, that the tangerine smoothie I ordered was a game changer and I highly recommend.
Our theme was "Larissa's Last Splash" because duh, she is a mermaid.
Larissa proceeded to do what she does best, and got up on stage to open her presents. Lots of belly laughs, lingerie, and kinky presents later, we decided to get ready for our pool day.
We spent the afternoon at Club W and it was everything you would want for a bachelorette bash. Bachelor parties, expensive drinks (that we did not pay for), champagne hand outs and dirty, dirty water. Aside from the gentleman that thought it was funny to swim under water and continuously bite our legs and then surface yelling "shark week!" it was a great afternoon.
Some of the girls continued to hang out with the dudes, some of the girls went to In 'N Out and some of us went home to have heart to hearts.
Once again, the wrangling ensued and we all tried to get ready on time for our last outing: bottle service at Bottled Blonde (Thank you, Ashley!) We had a few casualties from the first night and a couple girls no longer had ID's, so after some time sweet talking the owner and the cops outside, we all proceeded to hear about how much money allllll the fine gentlemen in Scottsdale make. Thank god for that, because there is nothing in the world more interesting than hearing about how many cars a man sold that day.
I will say, there were a few conversations with some substance, quite a bit of dancing, and one of us, who I shall not name on the internet, snagged a handsome fellow to make out with publicly all night. Oh wait, two lovely ladies found a little buddy for the night. One of them was a hockey player - old habits die hard, eh' girls?
Our Uber on the way home was cute, and after he came inside to hang out with us (his lucky night) and watch us eat an entire bag of ice pops, we had our third friend achieve make out status with a stranger. (Might I add, all tongue swapping girls were single, and I in no way condone infidelity, even at a bachelorette party. That goes for you too boys....)
Larissa proceeded to bring out her Donald Trump wig and Pizza Pajamas and give us quite the show to cap off the night.
I woke up in pain. I think everyone woke up in pain. But it was worth it. So what if I cried because I thought I offended everyone by my weekend antics (it's the routine for me after a long weekend - the guilties are real, people) at least I made my flight on time and made it home.
You can't ask for much more than that with this group.
***Not all situations and locations were disclosed - I think you understand....