You guys, THANK YOU. The feedback I have gotten for making ACE public could not be more appreciated. I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, and I am doing this because I love doing it - but reading that people were inspired and enjoyed the content means so, so much to me. It feels so good.
This is my first post since I took the password off and posted the site to FB. I cannot tell you how good it felt to hit "post" and release it into the blogosphere. It was scary as shit, but at the same time, it didn't feel forced at all. If you would have told me I would have the confidence and courage to make the domain I bought 9 months ago public, I would have told you you were crazy. But I let my passion for the life I am living guide me, and when the time came, it felt scary, but right all at the same time. I am hoping to harness that feeling for future endeavors and growth. It's a delicate balance between making sure I am prepared, and not holding off for a long time due to fear. And for some reason, I feel like I was able to strike a balance between those two with this release.
Which is also why I now feel comfortable (enough) giving an update on where I currently am at in my life, and where I intend on going in the future.
First and foremost, I have found what I call a "Goal Sweet Spot" for myself. I have read many a self help book, and I can tell you that I am far too impatient to set 1, 5, or 10 year goals. I have a picture of how I would like my life to look at that point, but I change my mind way too much to put a solid plan into place for something that far ahead.
6 months is my sweet spot. It gives me a realistic feeling that the thing I am shooting for is possible, but enough time to figure it out. I gave myself 6 months when I decided to move out of the guest bedroom in the apartment my ex and I were living in and run a full marathon (don't ask - super weird scenario), 3 months when I decided to move the apartment I thought I wanted after the breakup, and 6 months again when I had moved into my current apartment and decided to meditate every day and run a marathon through Barcelona.
This leads me to two points: one being that 6 months is enough time to train for almost anything (given my current health), so I can make large physical goals. The other being that sometimes you make a goal and the course switches on you - I did not in fact, run a marathon through Barcelona. But, the reason I was going for the goal never changed. I wanted an amazing experience that made me feel connected to myself. Something that I had to work for, and would feel rewarding when accomplished. Something that got me out of my comfort zone while simultaneously showing me a different part of the world and a different part of myself. While Spain wasn't it, Puerto Rico was. I was flexible enough to let my desires guide me to where I was meant to be, even if the path there wasn't what I expected.
Meditating every day changed my life. It led me to where I am now. Which I guess I could fill you in on now that there's eyes on this thing.
I am happy. I finally feel a calling towards something which I have searched for for a very long time. I feel relatively secure, but I am also struggling with negative self talk, eliminating competitiveness with other women, and a weird push and pull with letting my type A self go, so I can grow into a new routine of recognizing what I want and then not game planning it so hard that I limit myself to what I can build.
Back in May I set a new 6 month goal. By the beginning of October I will have saved a set amount of money, (I don't think I'll ever share these exact figures, I am weird about money but that's something else I am working on...) made my blog public, sold all my belongings down to one backpack and 1 puppy, (my boyfriend has the other puppy - I am not heartless) gotten my 200 hour Yoga Alliance certification so I can teach yoga, and moved myself and my little family to live an island life in Puerto Rico. THOSE ARE SOME BIG GOALS. I have also thrown in there another business venture to begin, and a half marathon trail race with my boyfriend before we move. But they all feel right. Scary, but right.
I also don't do 6 months back to back. It's too much pressure. After March hit (my last 6 month deadline) I was so tired of the discipline of meditating every day that I needed a break. I needed to float a little without working towards something. Goals are not easy. And if you pick something that pushes you hard enough, it doesn't matter how rewarding it is, when you're done, you need a fucking break. So I gave myself one. From March to mid May I only had my trip to Puerto Rico planned, which unveiled an entirely new life that I could make possible. In that time new goals revealed themselves to me. I wasn't searching for them because I felt like I needed to accomplish something, I just enjoyed life and let them come to me.
Which is also why now I am a little off center. I now know how it feels to meditate every day, to be in the zone, and to feel more aligned and centered than ever. Now that I am not doing it I feel it. But I'm not beating myself up about it. I know I will get back there. I've made a new vision to work towards and it gives me excitement along with a small dose of "what the hell am I thinking?" So I know the meditation and physical routine will fall back into place.
Here's the thing with this new set of goals: I could fall flat on my face. I could get to Puerto Rico and realize it's not easy to teach yoga and sell juice. They just declared Bankruptcy for God's sake and I have never owned my own business. I could lack the motivation and skill. I could wake up in a year and realize I got myself in WAY over my head and come crawling back. But there is only one way to find out - and that's to do the damn thing. (If you know what movie I just quoted PLEASE let me know...)
So for me, doing the damn thing looks like this:
- Start and finish my 200 hour Yoga teacher training (this is the glue that holds all my other goals in place).
- Sell my belongings to a point where I am left with only one backpack of belongings and one little puppy. (I have been intrigued by minimalism for some time now, and Chris had experience with it while he was in the NFL and needed to be able to move from team to team at any moment in time. So with his help, I feel comfortable in making this part of the plan. We will stay in a furnished place that's they style we like, but the belongings just won't be ours!)
- Save a certain amount of money so I can hit the ground running when I get there.
- Train for my first trail half marathon. (Under Armour mountain series in Copper Mountain.)
- Keep doing what I love and creating content for this site.
- Visualize the kind of life I want in 6 months every day.
- Study and pass a test through ADP that will allow me to add a good chunk to the savings for the move.
- Keep enjoying this life I am creating in the meantime.
Now there are other small goals that I have for this 6 month stint as well, but they are little things that won't make or break the completion of the plan. Things like reading every day, and meditating every day, and getting enough sleep and nutrition to make the process easier. Things I know will make me feel more centered, but won't derail the entire goal if I don't stick to them.
So that is where I am at and where I am going. Part of the fun is seeing how the hell I get there. But I am excited and I have never felt so sure about a general life path. That's part of the fun for anyone reading this too. I could come back to CO with my tail between my legs and realize this whole "you can live a life you love and get paid for it" schtick is a load of crap. Or I could look back and realize I tried something and by God, it WORKED. Either way, I bet it will be entertaining.