I am just going to say it: I haven't ran a single race since 2015. Not one.
I have planned for quite a few! Does that count? Ugh, I know it doesn't count. BUT in my defense, as I stated in my last IG post, I am learning to use my tendency towards extremes in my favor. Can I change the fact that when I love something, I LOVE LOVE LOVE it? And on the flip side, can I change the fact that when I am over something, I am just. so. over. it? Maybe I could. But I'm trying this new thing where I don't try to change who I am. You know, this whole acceptance movement. However, the type A in me will not allow me to stay stagnant. Therefore, I am left with only one option: to make my flaws work for me.
Allow me to explain. I used to love running. I ran my first half in a semi-impressive time (for me). My next half I walked most of it due to depression hitting me like a bus half way through training. Then I went all out and decided to do a full marathon, and while it didn't go perfectly, I completed it!
That was in 2015. I got up to 16 miles in training for another marathon Spring of 2016, but an injury sidelined me and I have been trying to find my love for running ever since. I signed up for a marathon in Barcelona...that didn't work out. (For very good reasons might I add...) Then I thought I would do a trail half last year. Once again, that didn't work out. I just couldn't find the switch that made everything click!
Enter a replacement passion: Yoga. Did I just enjoy a few classes? Nope. I went full on beast mode and signed up to become a teacher. I paid the money, put in the 200+ hours, and attempted to move to an island to teach. Once again, I burnt out. Now yoga has taken first place in my Things I Hate Doing list.
Knowing what I know about myself now, I know this is all cyclical. So instead of trying to force yoga on a body and mind that really don't want to do yoga, I am going to let myself swing back to the mind games and physical efforts of running.
Will it be easy? Nope. I am basically starting from scratch. (Thank you Mexico for the Taco Body I am toting around...) But it feels right. And we all know how I feel about the feels. I am starting a new career in a couple of weeks, the weather is warming up, and my headspace is once again more of a "push one more minute, Yuri, you can do this," versus a "center yourself and feel the zen..." So I am going to embrace where I am right now.
I am about to complete my third week of training, so it's not like I have anything to brag about over here. But I also know that if I say I am going to do one more race and back out of it, then I will be very disappointed in myself. There is no reason I can't run 13.1 miles at the end of May.
So I will be training for the Colfax Half on May 20th. I can't guarantee an impressive time, nor do I really care much about that at this point. This is more of a mental game for me. This is me being an objective realist with my current emotions and mindset, while simultaneously being an idealist about using these "limitations" in my favor.
I'll do my best to keep this thing up to date with how my training is going ... and struggles ... and victories ... and blah blah blah. But I am also really curious if any of you out there have ever felt this way? As you get older, do you realize that there are things you want to utilize about yourself instead of change? Or does this make zero sense, and I am just overthinking as per usual?
Either way, I have week 3 to complete this weekend. I also have a job to finally start, and we still need to find a home to live in for the next year. Small things.
Wish me luck!